AN OPEN LETTER TO MALE HORMONES OF THE LATIN VARIETY

Dear Male Hormones of the Latin variety,

As an overachiever myself I understand where you’re coming from. And yet, I enjoy a vacation once in awhile. So could you please tone it down a bit? Reign it in? Maybe go part-time? Your overpowering influence inspires such strange behaviors. No man in his right mind calls the next day, or maintains eye contact, or walks around in public with his shirt half buttoned. How do you do it, Male Hormones of the Latin variety? I’m envious of your powers of persuasion. Surely if I possessed such authority over the masculine mind and instincts I would exercise said authority in much more responsible ways. Alas, I cannot—but if I may offer a few suggestions which will be beneficial to us both…
When your Latin-lover host is overly-eager it has an adverse effect on us women. He could look like Ricky Martin, but if he calls within 24 hours of obtaining my phone number I am instantly disappointed. Even disgusted. There simply isn’t room for anticipation in such a short amount of time. I haven’t yet built him up in my mind to be more attractive, and talented, and suave than he actually is. This takes at least three days. So listen up, Senor Testosterone, simmer down and give it a few more days. You’ll be very pleased with the outcome of this new strategy.
Also, the songs and poetic compliments are very much over the top. I like a little appreciation—let’s face it, I deserve it—but when the verbal adoration is carried beyond a certain point I become quickly aware that Jose isn’t sincere at all. In fact, you tricked Jose into thinking that he can flatter me into bed. Not so. While such craftiness does prove to be effective on the weak minded and/or bimbo female-types, such tactics will only illicit rejection and insult from the cleverer and therefore more desirable varieties (commonly known as “hard-to-get”). Keep the sweet talking to a minimum, and I just might feel an estrogen-induced need to prove my desirability. We can meet halfway. Maybe 60/40…or 70/30 if you absolutely can’t resist.
On another note, there seems to be a dearth of your presence among the Anglo-Saxon variety. Could you help a brother out? Population density has to be uncomfortably high in Central and South America, Spain and France. Let me provide you with an attractive relocation proposal. There are plenty of good-looking specimen in the North American region in need of your assistance. With the increasing number of hormone-killing entities such as Playstation and Gaming, natural selection has struck Male Horomones of the Anglo-Saxon variety with a near-fatal blow. So what I’m trying to say is: could you share the love?

Sincerely,

Hopeful

or Desperate

...you decide